Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
