so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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