hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
