lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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