YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
