Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
