I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
