But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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