as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
