so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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