I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Church boner. Awkwardddd
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
