How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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