hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Congratulations! We have a period
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
