If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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