FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
two words...techno handjob
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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