I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
