Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
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Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
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the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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