You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Randomize
