Say something about gay babies.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
