worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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