I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
