he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
