My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
