we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
