Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
