It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
