The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
she pinky promised me she was 18
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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