Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
