do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
