It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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