The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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