okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
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i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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