I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
