I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
