I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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