I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Randomize
