conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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