I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
