do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
