Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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