I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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