you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Randomize
