you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
