Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
