Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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