Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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