we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
