the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Randomize
