I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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