I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
