Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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