So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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