I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
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Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
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Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
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