You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
