I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
