We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I stole a fireplace last night.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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