There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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