sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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