I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
