My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
