I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
