it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
