I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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