he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
