Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
