Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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