the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
