tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
