She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
