sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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