ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
