Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize