Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
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Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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