She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
