Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
