You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
