I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
