I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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