And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
