You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I forgot how hot balto sounded
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
