So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
