My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
