Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
