so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Randomize
