Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
