My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
