there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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