you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
