just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
